What kind of damage results from the exclusion of physicality from the father-daughter relationship?
Without him, she cannot fully form a positive attitude towards her own body and achieve a sense of ‘rightness’ beauty, power and integrity, argues Andrew Samuels in The Political Psyche. The body needs emotional care, through touch and recognition, in order to feel into a sense of self. The body cannot become valid without being seen and felt.
The absence of this vital nurturing element from the father interferes with the nervous system and prevents women from developing a healthy relationship with the self, so she will have little or no understanding of healthy boundaries.
Our body is designed to protect and guard us from the outside aggressors, but instead, so many women are trapped inside bodies they detest, and if left unchecked, they can actually destroy themselves from within.
Millions of thoughts, from tiny kernels of self doubt to full blown self loathing flicker through the minds of most women when they look at themselves. It’s heartbreaking to hear how self critical we all can be or secretly seek validation and approval. It fuels countless industries, in a mad bid to buy ourselves out of the state of feeling “not enough” that we perpetually find ourselves in, and yes I’m including myself here, because I’ve been suckered too.
The absent father wound requires compassion and a gentle understanding. I would highly recommend reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, for instant soothing. Learning to love yourself, especially inside your body, is the greatest gift you will ever receive. You give the gift to yourself that you have waited for, all your life. When I began my healing journey, the beautiful gifts left behind by the grace of Louise Hay is exactly where I started, and always where I return to.
If you are reading this, and experiencing any triggering feelings, you will find this kind of emotional freedom difficult to imagine, and too far into the future, or possibly unobtainable for you, but I promise you, that with Inner Child Work, you will find out why you think and feel the way you do, discover an overwhelming sense of self love, and finally develop the kind of boundaries you need to keep you and everyone around you vibrating with positive energy. First though, you really will have to have a very close look at yourself. Why you think, feel and behave the way you do. Consider who installed any or all of the ideas and beliefs you currently have, which have resulted in who you are now.
“Don’t run away and make yourself unconscious of bodily facts, for they keep you real in life and help you not to lose your real way in the world of mere possibilities where you are simply blindfolded.” Jung “The body is very often the personification of this shadow of the ego.” Jung Daughters can experience the absent father wound even if they live as a family. Fathers can be physically present but emotionally absent, especially if they were brought up in a similar way, and became closed down to communication because they knew no better.
I know of two incredibly present fathers who chose to have children with women who they love and respect, but outside of the constructs of a conventional relationship. I know a wonderful woman who did the same thing too. I know gay dads and gay mums. These people individually and collectively simply co-parent. They live their own lives and have created little humans, and they are doing a great job at it. They are enjoying the gift of parenting outside of a romantic connection with the other parent, and their focus is on the relationship with their child.
This is never about shaming anybody, or pointing the finger.
This is about recognising why you may think feel and behave in a certain way.
It’s not your fault but please don’t just continue to feel what you’re feeling.
You can take responsibility to end your suffering.
You can break the chain.
You can start now.
Love yourself enough to heal. Your inner child deserves it. You deserve it.
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